I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
