I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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