dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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