direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
