I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
