I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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