I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
