how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
