Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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