Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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