I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
You can't special order awesome
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
