im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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