He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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