Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
