so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
