just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
