I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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