If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Found your dick twin last night
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
