I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
