You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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