so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
