I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
