Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
We have started to decorate penises.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
