sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
