You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
