my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
