did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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