i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
