I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
