Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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