im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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