Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
We have so much sex to catch up on
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
