You smell like stripper and shame
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
