We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
