Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
