...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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