the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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