so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
