You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
