Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
