if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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