Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
