he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
