people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
