so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
