fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
