He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
