i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
