you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
