Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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