Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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