Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
