Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
